Jack’s Bad Movies: Worst Movies of the Author’s Lifetime

A quick look at a dozen or so of the worst movies over the last 30 some odd years. Including Galaxy Quest, Ghostbusters, Aliens, Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, and more.

Superman II:

Woe is Superman, he’s super strong, and super fast, and can fly, and can reverse time…apparently, and he has a marginally attractive woman in love with him. But he wants to throw it all away because being Superman is too difficult. Fortunately for him three other Kryptonians show up to hold up the mantle of Godlike being.

Star Trek: Wrath of Khan (1982):

Absentee father Kirk is so out of touch with his family that it takes an old convict that he dumped on a planet (Australia style) to get even a glimmer of emotion out of him.

Ghostbusters:

Three con-artists try to convince people they are seeing ghosts with a fake electronic light show. Only one man is brave enough to stand up to their farce, but he is thrown out by a gullible mayor. Sigourney Weaver delivers such a poor performance they ultimately cast her as a dog.

Back to the Future:

Marty uses a time machine in order to go back and try to score with his own mother while at the same time trying to nurture what must be an incredibly unhealthy relationship with a crazy old man who claims to be a scientist, but who most definitely dabbles in theft and international terrorism. Yeah, Marty’s got problems.

Aliens: 

In space, it’s a first come I keep mentality, unless you are the Space Jockey’s cocooned friends on LV 426. Then it means big white Corporate America (or whomever) can just swoop in for a hostile land grab. When the claim holders fight back, Corporate sends in the marines to kill everything and everyone. Sigourney Weaver delivers her worst performance since that terrible Ghostbusters flick.

Predator:

Since when is the illegal poaching of humans a crime? That is what the Predator must be asking itself as it easily picks off tons of special forces in the jungles of South America. At least, it was easy pickings until a guy showed up covered in mud with a sharpened stick and dropped an anvil on his head. I guess it was a bad day to be a hunter sportsman.

Big:

A story about a teenage boy using dark magic to grow to adulthood over night with the objective of scoring some hot chicks. Ultimately he has to settle for Elizabeth Perkins and decides being a kid wasn’t so bad after all.

Batman (1989):

Jack Napier was just a working man, who got betrayed by his boss and almost lost his life. Is it wrong to go on a path of vengeance and insanity? Apparently according to some people of Gotham, specifically some guy dressed up as a bat who steals all of Jack’s press.

Total Recall (1990):

A man with a convenient case of amnesia travels to Mars, kills a bunch of police officers, and then causes an ecological disaster on a global scale. Or did he just dream it?

Independence Day: 

Aliens have shown up, and they came to fight, but no real worries, because we completely destroy them in three day.

Galaxy Quest: 

Tim Allen leads a troop of washed up actors in real life playing washed up actors in a science fiction nightmare in which the hero is gross incompetence. Watch the crew of the NSEA Protector let swaths of aliens (both friendly and dangerous) die just to relive five minutes of their former glory.  Sigourney Weaver delivers her worst performance since that failed Aliens experiment.

Inception: 

Men target the fragile and painful memory of a man’s relationship with his father for their own personal gain.

The Lego Movie: 

A man gets an inflated ego and leads several civilizations to ruin before ultimately leaving the planet open to an alien invasion.

Captain America: Civil War:

Captain America is willing to break laws and forgive murder after murder, as long as it is for his childhood friend. Otherwise, he has no tolerance for injustice. This movie could only have been worse if they had cast Sigourney Weaver.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad-Movies

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