Damsel Wide

Jack’s Bad Movies: Damsel (2024)

IMDB’s description

A dutiful damsel agrees to marry a handsome prince, only to find the royal family has recruited her as a sacrifice to repay an ancient debt.

Here is what my spouse had to say.

You see the scenes shown in the trailer. Then she is in the dark for an hour running from a dragon. Then she convinced the dragon to help her. They murder the city the family that threw her in the hole ruled. Movie over. 

Just to add a few details. The main character is plated by Millie Bobbie Brown. She comes from a kingdom that is dying, and then she gets sold to a kingdom that is rich to marry a prince. Is it a love connection? No, turns out the family lures women there constantly to feed the dragon they failed to kill some amount of time ago. They cut her hand and the prince’s hand and they shake on it. Somehow this tiny interaction of blood is enough to trick the stupid dragon into thinking that she is a direct descendent of the first king. 

Then we go into the dark. way dark. Like if you don’t have a super good screen in a pitch black room then you might end up seeing very little of the movie for quite awhile. It is like watching the movie Descent (2005) (which is probably another movie I should bad movie). Just her wandering around in a cave, sometimes either hallucinating or having an ESP ability to see past victims of the dragon? Eventually she finds some part of the cave that has tons of corpses in it. This has messages written on the wall, things like ‘Safe Here She Cannot Reach’, a list of past victims, a map showing “the way out”, and probably a bunch of stuff about the cake being a lie. 

She follows the path the map showed and climbs up and then comes out on a shear cliff and then sees a note there that says “Not Safe” or something. For the map to have existed in the other room, someone had to climb all the way up there, and then come back. So why didn’t they also cross out the useless path to the hole in the mountain? 

The girl’s father, feeling guilty for willing selling her to die to a dragon, comes in with a few men and gets murdered. She manages to escape the mountain at this point, but the evil queen (Robin Wright) kidnaps her younger sister and then dumps her in the dragon lair as well. So she has to go back, and then she talks to the dragon and convinces it that the king and queen are evil and liars, and that they are the ones who deserve to die. 

So she takes the dragon to the castle and tells people they can run if that want, then 10 seconds later the dragon arrives and burns the whole city to the ground. The movie ends with her sailing back home with the dragon following. Not sure how that is going to help their bleak kingdom that was starving to death. Now they have to feed a dragon too. 

Bad-Movies

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