Jack’s Bad Movies: The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power (2015)

IMDB’s Description:

When he is betrayed by a trusted friend, Mathayus (Victor Webster) must marshal all his strength and cunning to outwit a formidable opponent who will stop at nothing to unlock a supreme ancient power.

My only previous experience with the Scorpion King was in The Mummy Returns. I’ve been absent from the franchise, until now. The movie opens with some guards, guarding something, and then Drazen (Will Kemp) shows up in a panic and says he is being pursued by the Scorpion King, who ends up being Mathayus (Victor Webster). Although they occasionally call him by this title, it isn’t clear to me why he is known as the Scorpion King. They defeat four guards and then enter the temple? and Indiana Jones style try to steal some object. They get trapped by a cage, and then the same four guards come into the place and they fight them again. I was under the impression they had killed those guys outside, but I guess not. In fact, this movie goes out of its way to make sure that very few people actually get killed in these battles. This movie is nothing if not extremely predictable. For most of the movie I would casually remark ‘I’ll bet this happens next’ and it did.

Read more

Jack’s Bad Movies: Doom Annihilation (2019)

IMDB’s Description

Follows a group of UAC Marines as they respond to a distress call from a top secret scientific base on Phobos, a Martian moon, only to discover it's been overrun by demons who threaten to create Hell on Earth.

This movie is essentially Aliens around a somewhat loose Doom theme. You can see that just from the description.

Similarities

  • Marines wake up from cryogenic sleep
  • One of the marines is a coward and whines a lot
  • There is a fusion reactor on the verge of exploding
  • Most of the marines are cannon fodder

Ways in which the movie is totally different

Read more

Jack’s Bad Movies: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

IMDB’s description:

After discovering a mysterious artifact buried beneath the lunar surface, mankind sets off on a quest to find its origins with help from intelligent supercomputer HAL 9000.

The movie has literally had a black screen now for 3 minutes with just music. I stopped the movie twice to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with the video (like it wasn’t streaming correctly). Also the “musical” notes are not pleasing to the ear.

Read more

Jack’s Bad Movies: DragonLance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight (2008)

IMDB’s description

A barbarian woman with a miraculous healing staff gains the help of a group of to-be heroes as an army of dragons invades the land.

Author’s Note: As a fan of the book series, I was excited when I heard they were making an animated movie. I imagined something long the lines of Record of Lodoss War. Unfortunately, this project was given a fate worse than death, which was to be labeled “complete” and sent out to the world.

The movie starts with a little world building. The gods were good (and bad) and one tried to take over the world, but was beaten back, and then the people became arrogant and the gods smote them for it. 

Now some guy is talking to a five-headed dragon about a staff and some disks and a bunch of other things. I guess he is sending this woman with bat wings to find the staff (or safeguard it). It is Verminaard and Onyx. Onyx is a black dragon in disguise. 

Seven minutes in and we finally start where the book starts. A reunion of old friends. Tanis Half-Elven (Michael Rosenbaum) meets Flints the Dwarf (Fred Tatascoire). Flint strikes me as the kind of friend who constantly insults you, i.e. not a real friend at all. Tanis shows his pointed ears for the sake of the audience, there was no reason he’d have to show his ears to long time friend Flint.

Read more

%d bloggers like this: