Jack’s Bad Movies: The Craft (1996)

IMDB’s description:

A newcomer to a Catholic prep high school falls in with a trio of outcast teenage girls who practice witchcraft and they all soon conjure up various spells and curses against those who even slightly anger them.

The movie opens with Sarah (Robin Tunney) moving to a new city (LA) and she is immediately enrolled in Catholic Boarding School (CBS), which is never a good thing. Is there a movie anywhere that portrays kids in a Catholic school being well balanced who don’t become criminals? I think not. Three Gothic girls and Skeet Ulrich (the poor man’s Johnny Depp) also attend, along with Breckin Meyer, the kid who always play an idiot. He doesn’t disappoint. Skeet introduces himself to Sarah and says the three Goths are witches. Then they introduce themselves to Sarah. They are Bonnie (Neve Campbell), Rochelle (Rachel True), and Nancy Downs (Fairuza Balk).

The three goths really are witches who need a fourth person to complete their coven, and Sarah is a good choice because she is the only one with any actual magical powers as demonstrated by her pencil disappearing act ALA the Joker, only this time no one dies and the pencil just falls on her desk and she scoots it out of sight into her lap. Still pretty good. They take her to a Hot Topic (occult shop) and the woman there says what we already know, that Sarah is a natural born witch. Outside the shop a crazy old man (not claiming to be a scientist) with a snake harasses Sarah (he showed up earlier at Sarah’s new house) and all four girls wish him dead and then he gets hit by a car. This conspiracy to commit murder is a bonding experience and now they are friends, I guess.

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Jack’s Bad Movies – Judge Dredd (1995)

IMDB’s Description

In a dystopian future, Joseph Dredd, the most famous Judge (a police officer with instant field judiciary powers), is convicted for a crime he did not commit and must face his murderous counterpart.

The exposition states that the Earth has become a wasteland and the people live in Mega-Cities. Crime is rampant, so the people create a police force known as Judges who can try, convict, and execute at their whim.

Then the movie opens to Rob Schneider, which is never a good sign. A recently released convict out on parole, Schneider gapes at the city and the scenes before him, as if he didn’t live in this city before serving his two year sentence. He must be a pretty stupid guy too, because he believes a rooftop paradise is his new court appointed living space. He arrives at his actual apartment to discover it is occupied by a gang of squatters. Then a street war breaks out and the entire block is engaged in a firefight.

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Jack’s Bad Movies – Circle of Iron (1978)

IMDB Description:

A young martial artist embarks on an adventure, encountering other martial artists in battle until one day he meets an aging blind man who will show him the true meaning of martial arts and life.

The opening scroll of this movie says it was drafted by Bruce Lee, and it has some controversial views on Zen. We’ll see how much this movie relates to Zen, or how much they are simply trying to trade on Bruce Lee’s name.

The movie starts us off at a tournament, and already I feel bad for everyone in the movie. The martial arts performance is not great. Off to the side is a huge white guy with blonde hair and no shirt named Cord (Jeff Cooper). Sans a medallion, he could be Yor. Several people who apparently don’t matter lose their matches, and now it is between shirtless Cord, and Morthond. They fight for a minute or so, then Cord knocks him down and  uses that classic double fisted strike they teach every cadet at Starfleet Academy. Cord is the winner, but no, the silly judge declares he cheated and disqualifies him. Morthond is declared the winner.

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Jack’s Bad Movies: Worst Movies of the Author’s Lifetime

A quick look at a dozen or so of the worst movies over the last 30 some odd years. Including Galaxy Quest, Ghostbusters, Aliens, Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, and more.

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