Jack’s Bad Movies: Renfield 2023

Renfield poster

IMDB’s description: 

Renfield, Dracula’s henchman and inmate at the lunatic asylum for decades, longs for a life away from the Count, his various demands, and all of the bloodshed that comes with them.

So, if you remember the movie Bram Stoker’s Dracula from 1992, you might recall that Keanu Reeve’s character took over the accounts of Dracula from R.M. Renfield, who went insane. This movie instead has Renfield (Nicholas Hoult)  working for Dracula (Nicolas Cage) and becomes the familiar of Dracula ( a familiar being someone who apparently doesn’t age). Ninety years later Dracula and Renfield are hiding out in New Orleans while Dracula tries to recuperate from a near fatal encounter with vampire hunters. 

Read more

Jack’s Bad Movies: Alien (1979)

Alien

IMDB’s description: 

The crew of a commercial spacecraft encounters a deadly lifeform after investigating a mysterious transmission of unknown origin.

Hoo boy, another Ridley Scott “masterpiece.” If there is one thing an audience loves it is long slow things moving through space. The onboard computer, which looks like it is running CP/M, wakes up the crew on the spaceship Nostromo. The opening title card says there are seven crewmembers. That sounds like a lot of people so I doubt I’ll be able to keep track of them all. 

Read more

Jack’s Bad Movies: Snake (2018)

Snake 2018

IMDB’s description: 

A biology teacher [trying] to save his ill daughter with a natural cure goes into the jungle with experts and finds a horror that’s larger than life

This movie opens during World War 2. A platoon of Japanese soldiers are exploring a jungle. Suddenly one of them comes flying out of the tree line. A giant snake (like something out of Harry Potter) emerges and commences to kill the platoon. 

Where Steven Spielberg learned less is more in Jaws and Jurassic Park when it comes to revealing the monsters. This movie goes the other route, revealing the big monster less than 1 minute into the film (a film that is only 79 total minutes in length). 

Read more

Jack’s Bad Movies: Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Indiana Jones Poster

IMDB’s description: 

In 1936, archaeologist and adventurer Indiana Jones is hired by the U.S. government to find the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis can obtain its awesome powers.

This movie opens with Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) and Otto Octavius (Alfred Molina) wandering through a jungle. Somehow they stumble upon a cave. A cave of wonders I suppose. How did these ancient people build a boobytrap that is activated by someone blocking the sunlight? How does that work at night? Who comes along and makes sure all these pressure plate arrows haven’t gone bad?

Moving on, there is a golden head which Indy thinks he is going to trade with a bag of sand. I’m pretty sure he’d need something like 8 times as much sand as the volume of that head. Regardless that doesn’t explain why the trap sinks down for lighter sand. Indy then attends the school of Prometheus in ‘How to Run Away From Things’ as he flees a boulder. 

Read more

%d bloggers like this: