Jack’s Bad Movies: Knowing (2009)

IMDB’s Description

M.I.T. professor John Koestler links a mysterious list of numbers from a time capsule to past and future disasters and sets out to prevent the ultimate catastrophe.

The movie starts with a little girl staring at the sun, hearing voices during recess. It is 1959, so maybe she is getting a jump on the 60s drug revolution. The teacher wants all the kids to write something for a time capsule. I don’t know why anyone thinks a time capsule is interesting to inhabitants of the future. Looks like she decided to show the future how smart she was by solving pi to like the 5000th place. Since the teacher didn’t let her finish her crazy number writing she runs away and hides in a cupboard and continues writing. Probably just putting REDRUM on the door. It takes two men to lower a time capsule into the ground that the lady teacher easily hoisted onto her desk a moment ago. I guess the weight of those drawings really adds up.

Meanwhile, 50 years later, Nicolas Cage is talking to his son Caleb about life in outer space. Then Caleb reveals himself to be a jerk as he decides to become a vegetarian right after his dad finishes cooking dinner. Classic Lisa Simpson move right there. Cage sends his son to bed, and after some lamenting over his poor deceased wife, Cage retires to one super shabby room to drink alcohol. Only good things can come from this.

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Jack’s Bad Movies: Spawn (1997)

IMDB’s description:

An elite mercenary is killed, but comes back from Hell as a reluctant soldier of the Devil.

If you ever wanted to see the proceeds of Hollywood Junket promotions, look no further than those quotes.

The opening monologue is terrible.

The battle between Heaven and Hell has waged eternal, their armies fueled by souls harvested on Earth. The devil, Malebolgia, has sent a lieutenant to Earth to recruit men who will turn the world into a place of death in exchange for wealth and power, a place that will provide enough souls to complete his army and allow Armageddon to begin. All the Dark Lord needs now is a great soldier, someone who can lead his hordes to the gates of Heaven and burn them down.

The movie starts with a man busting into an air base in Hong Kong. As he enters the room he kicks a dude in the face, and then uses a suppressed weapon to shoot all the equipment and other people. I feel like a real assassin would have just led with the gun. Anyways, the assassin uses a super complicated method to blow up some people getting off a plane using magic technology and a rocket.

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War For the Planet of the Apes is Strong

As the opening to the film explains, War takes place 15 years after Rise and a few years after Dawn. The apes have retreated further into the forest, but are being hunted by the military force called in at the end of the previous movie. The apes want to find a new home, away from humanity and away from the war Koba started.

I’d like to keep this review fairly short and sweet, since we’ve all got other things to do. To start, here’s the great:

Like Dawn, War excels at showing the humanity in the simians. They are believable and relatable characters. Andy Serkis shines as Caesar, in what I’d considered my favorite performance of his to date. His motion-capture body acting and the animation team delivered the most emotive, captivating scenes in the film, connecting you to the character more successfully than any other sci-fi movie I can recall of late.

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Highlights from 2017 – 2nd Quarter

Stats

Top Question:

The top two voted questions, with a tie of 130 votes each, was Given a magical world, why is the Quibbler ridiculous? and Does Hobbes ever do anything that Calvin himself could not do?, asked by
The Walrus469 and Machavity respectively.


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Top Answer:

The highest voted answer, with 334 votes (and not the accepted answer), is from the story-ident question Does anyone know what this fantasy script is from? answered by Adele C.


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Top Viewed:

The most viewed question, with 27761 views in the quarter, was If the Galactic Empire had over 25,000 Star Destroyers, why were only 27 at the Battle of Endor? asked by RichS.


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User Picks

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