Month: September 2013

The Enterprise in space.

Jack B Nimble: Somebody airbrushed that ship.

TangoOversway: That’s the CGI redo of the FX

The viewscreen from the main bridge.

Jack B Nimble: We’ve discovered another patch of empty space.

OghmaOsiris: They’re coming up on empty space fast!

KIRK: Are you certain of your sensor readings?

SPOCK: Definitely a space vessel of some type.

KIRK: Origin?

SPOCK: Unknown. It could hardly be an Earth ship. There have been no flights into this sector for years.

Jack B Nimble: The ominous music should have tipped them off.

Keen: They may as well have shown Dr. Evil on the viewscreen.

KIRK: An old Earth vessel, similar to the DY=500 class.
SPOCK: Much older. DY-100 class, to be exact. Captain, the last such vessel was built centuries ago, back in the 1990s.

OghmaOsiris: This optical illusion I’m looking at tells me there’s a sensor analysis.

Jack B Nimble: They must have been geniuses to interpret all those flashing lights.

TangoOversway: Believe it or not, at that time, the controls seemed really space-shippy.

SPOCK: Hull surface is pitted with meteor scars. However, scanners make out a name. SS Botany Bay.

KIRK: Then you can check the registry.

SPOCK: No such vessel listed. Records of that period are fragmentary, however. The mid=1990s was the era of your last so-called World War.

TangoOversway Picard would have sent Riker over by now. Archer would have just hopped in a shuttle and gone immediately.

Jack B Nimble: Ohura was eaves dropping.

TangoOversway: And now we have the Vulcan/human logic debate McCoy just loves.

KIRK: Oh, I’ll need somebody familiar with the late 20th-Century Earth. Here’s a chance for that historian to do something for a change. What’s her name? McIvers?
SPOCK: Lieutenant McGivers.

Jack B Nimble: MacGuyver? She is going to build something amazing.

Keen: Do they just keep her in a closet?

OghmaOsiris: Woman in a red shirt. She’s gonna die.

TangoOversway: Now taking bets on whether McGivers dies.

Keen: First she’ll get pregnant and then she’ll die. This was the 60’s.

The landing party explores the Botany Bay.

Jack B Nimble: Scotty is a great engineer, out of 80 buttons on the panel he found the light switch.

The ship is found to be full of sleeping passengers.

Jack B Nimble: This space ship only has beds. It is a space ship of ill repute.

OghmaOsiris: Is he wearing gold chain mail?

Jack B Nimble: He is, after all, a warrior

With the vital signs failing, Kirk attempts to rescue the sleeping man.

TangoOversway: We can’t figure it out — just break it, Jim!

OghmaOsiris: How many captains does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Jack B Nimble: Negative captain. just the one large blinking green light.

KHAN: How long?
KIRK: How long have you been sleeping? Two centuries we estimate. Landing party to Enterprise. Come in.
UHURA: Go ahead, boarding party. We read you.
KIRK: Lock in on McCoy’s beam. He’s transporting back with a casualty we discovered here.
MARLA: Magnificent.

TangoOversway: Ricardo Mantalban in fishnets.

Keen: I think Leelo from The Fifth Element wore more than Kahn.

KIRK: Botany Bay. That was the name of a penal colony on shores of Australia, wasn’t it? If they took that name for their vessel
SPOCK: If you’re suggesting this was a penal deportation vessel, you’ve arrived at a totally illogical conclusion.

Jack B Nimble: Stupid illogical Kirk.

OghmaOsiris: Seriously, what does Spock do??

Jack B Nimble: Spock uses the white and black wheel to hypnotize himself.

MCCOY: He’ll live.
KIRK: My compliments.
MCCOY: No, I’m good, but not that good. There’s something inside this man that refuses to accept death. Look at that. Even as he is now, his heart valve action has twice the power of yours and mine. Lung efficiency is fifty percent better.

Jack B Nimble: Even in sickbay his shirt is open. His chest must need a lot of air.

Keen: McCoy’s lying, he is THAT good

Kirk asks McGiver to learn more about Khan

TangoOversway: I like the ginger in this episode a LOT more than the ginger in the last one.

OghmaOsiris: I have sheer delight of examining his….mind

Jack B Nimble: All redheads are traitors.

Khan awakens in sickbay and begins to exercise (or something).

Keen: Even in the 2300’s, hospital gowns show too much.

Jack B Nimble: Let me just warm-up with some Tai Chi

OghmaOsiris: Does he have a native american mullet?

Khan hears someone approaching, and grabs an antique scalpel from a display case.

TangoOversway: Never saw that display case before or since in any episode.

Keen: What the [expletive] is that wall display?!

Keen: You show off your torture implements like that, not your medical equipment.

McCoy enters sickbay to examine his patient, and discovers he is awake. MCCOY: Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind.

TangoOversway: Odd how it’s there just when Kahn needs it. Old surgical instruments.

Jack B Nimble: McCoy is pretty brave.

Keen: And now McCoy’s captain obvious.

OghmaOsiris: Does McCoy wear eye shadow?

Kirk questions Khan, who claims he is fatigued. Kirk gives him access to the modern technical documents about the ship.

Keen: Why’s there a [item] sticking out of the wall?

Jack B Nimble:It is a reading light.

TangoOversway: That’s a scanner for the medical readouts above them.

Keen: Men had better hair in the 60’s. At least Kahn did.

OghmaOsiris: I want Kirk’s hair.

Jack B Nimble: Kirk suspects he is dangerous but still gives him technical specs to his ship?

TangoOversway: Yeah, funny, that. Someone asks for technical plans for your fully armed starship and you say, “Sure. Be my guest.”

McGivers cannot help but be attracted to Khan. Khan explains his position on governments and power.

OghmaOsiris: So, Kahn was a communist?

TangoOversway: No, he was a tyrant.

OghmaOsiris: Same thing.

Jack B Nimble: Benevolent tyrant.

OghmaOsiris: He sleeps with her in 3…2…

Khan flirts with McGivers.

Jack B Nimble: I would think women would be afraid to sit down in those skirts.

OghmaOsiris: Captain’s orders

Khan Noonien Singh, professional player.

OghmaOsiris: Where did that mirror come from??

Keen: SPAAAAAAAACE!

TangoOversway: They took it off the bridge, from Uhura’s control panel.

Jack B Nimble: Mirrors spontaneously appear and disappear throughout the ship. It is an old problem of the Consitution class starships.

McGivers insists that Captain Kirk and the senior staff dress their best for a dinner with Khan.

Jack B Nimble: Those are some hideous dress uniforms.

TangoOversway: Notice Checkov, who recognized the name “Botany Bay” is nowhere to be seen in this entire episode.

TangoOversway: But you do get to see Scotty’s legs in a dress uniform!

Khan and McGivers discuss the past and present.

Keen: Is he wearing shrinky-dinks on his chest?

Jack B Nimble: They don’t make a shirt for Khan that closes in the front.

Keen: They can’t find a shirt that could contain those magnificent pecs.

Before heading to dinner Khan woos McGivers into a kiss.

TangoOversway: And I can tell you what censors would have said about that kiss.

Keen: Would they say ‘More!’?

TangoOversway: Same thing they said about every kiss in that whole series. Every time there was any kissing in the script, NBC censors would write back and say, “Avoid the open-mouthed kiss!”

The senior staff entertains Khan. After some pointed questions from Kirk, Khan once again says he is too fatigued to continue.

Jack B Nimble: Was that Romulan ale? Khan is constantly fatigued.

TangoOversway: He’s a Earth war criminal — and they’re not putting him in the brig?

Jack B Nimble: He is a man of weak constitution.

OghmaOsiris: No no no. Romulan ale is illegal!

TangoOversway: Rule #1: Kahn Lies.

Keen: He’s not a space criminal, so he’s fine by them.

Back in Khan’s quarters, McGivers visits him.

TangoOversway: I’ll bet he’s not fatigued now!

TangoOversway: Love that profile shot — he was posing so she could paint his picture and put him on a dollar bill for his new government.

KHAN: Go. Or stay. But do it because it is what you wish to do. Well?
MARLA: I’ll stay a little longer.

Jack B Nimble: In Augment tradition they are married now.

Keen: Kneel before Zod. Wait, wrong show.

Spock is able to dig up some information on Khan’s past.

Keen: Looks like Powerpoint sucked in the 60’s too.

OghmaOsiris: So, Kahn was Hussain?

Jack B Nimble: He was Mao

Spock is able to dig up some information on Khan’s past, everyone reaches the same conclusion about Khan.

Jack B Nimble: Khan is a redshirt. He isn’t going to make it.

TangoOversway: Kahn’s in a red shirt. He’s going to DIIIIEEEEE!

Keen: Haha, they found a way to defeat Kahn. They put him in a red shirt!

OghmaOsiris: Hey hey hey! Kahn’s in a red shirt!

Keen: Color-blind people think green shirts die on Star Trek.

Kirk contronts Khan about his past.

OghmaOsiris: So, is Kahn Spanish? Native american? Indian? what?

Jack B Nimble: He is Middle-Eastern

TangoOversway: Kahn was Asian.

Jack B Nimble: But he also knows Tai Chi

TangoOversway: The actor was hispanic (I think Mexican).

Khan is confined to his quarters, but quickly escapes.

Keen: Why’d Kahn going through the door, all he had to do to break out was punch one of the cardboard walls.

Khan, with the assistance of McGivers, transports back over to his ship, which contains his remaining Augments.

TangoOversway: One guard, with his back to the door?

Jack B Nimble: Khan has already mastered the Vulcan neck pinch.

TangoOversway: That’s not Lt. Kyle, so they can kill him.

Khan awakens the rest of his crew.

Keen: YOGA FOR ALL!

OghmaOsiris: Tai Chi break

TangoOversway: She looks a LOT better in fishnets than Kahn.

On the bridge, Kirk receives a security alert that Khan has escaped.

Jack B Nimble: Wow, security is slow

OghmaOsiris: Security contacted Kirk… and then Kirk had to request a security alert??

TangoOversway: [Kirk] Spock, you think this has anything to do with me letting him read the tech manuals?

Jack B Nimble: [Spock] I wouldn’t worry about it Captain.

TangoOversway: It’s a command decision to call an alert.

Jack B Nimble: Self Destruct the ship!

Keen: Haha, Spock totally just mocked Kirk for letting Kahn read the tech manuals.

Khans troops come back to the Enterprise and begin to take over the ship. KHAN: Nothing ever changes, except man. Your technical accomplishments? Improve a mechanical device and you may double productivity. But improve man and you gain a thousand fold. I am such a man. Join me. I’ll treat you well. I need your training to operate a vessel this complex.

Keen: So, Kahn’s an anti-technology luddite? That’s all I got out of his ranting just now.

The crew attempts to fight back.

Jack B Nimble: The only reason this episode aired was because a white guy hit a black woman.

Keen: Oh, now we get back-handed slapping. Where was that guy during the last episode when all those kids needed to be smacked?

TangoOversway: I think Uhura looks hot with that hair style.

Jack B Nimble: Scotty knocked out an Augment with one punch.

Khan captures the entire crew. McGivers has second doubts and frees Kirk.

Jack B Nimble: You are such a disappointment, redhead.

Keen: [Darn] gingers.

Kirk frees Spock and begins to retake the ship.

Jack B Nimble: Shouldn’t Spock physically be an equal match for these Augments?

TangoOversway: Spock might be an equal for ONE Augment.

Keen: That henchman was specifically bred for his superior back-handed slaps.

Kirk floods the ship with knockout gas, but Khan escapes. Kirk pursues him.

Jack B Nimble: There are too many corners to hide around on this ship.

Jack B Nimble: As captain I would remove all hidden corners first thing.

TangoOversway: Kirk! That was the oldest trick in the book!

Khan and Kirk’s stunt double engage in hand to hand combat.

OghmaOsiris: Oooh, Kirk knows karate now.

TangoOversway: In this fight, note the cylindrical thingies with handles sticking out from the control panels on the back wall. They’ve never been seen before or since.

Keen: Who thought it was a good idea to install a gym in the middle of Engineering?

Jack B Nimble: They should have brought Chuck Norris out of cryo to fight Khan.

TangoOversway: Chuck Norris doesn’t need Cryo.

Kirk is able to overcome Khan and his forces.

Jack B Nimble: Why do they keep getting in dress uniforms?

TangoOversway: Scotty’s not wearing his kilt for his dress uniform.

OghmaOsiris: What is that colored thing on Kirk’s vest?

Kirk offers Khan the option of starting fresh on an unsettled planet. McGivers chooses to go with him.

Jack B Nimble: She doesn’t fit the superior breeding profile. Khan’s children are going to be slow witted.

TangoOversway: But she’s cute and has hot legs.

OghmaOsiris: She has the hips for it

Keen: It’s a shame we’ll never hear from Kahn and friends again…..

OghmaOsiris: Or will we?? BUM BUM BUMMMMM

The episode ends on an ominous note.

Jack B Nimble: The closing credits have some bizarre stills.