The Big Three
Well. The question with the highest votes, the highest voted answer, and the highest view count for the first quarter of 2023 is…
Jack’s Bad Movies: Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
IMDB’s description:
In 1936, archaeologist and adventurer Indiana Jones is hired by the U.S. government to find the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis can obtain its awesome powers.
This movie opens with Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) and Otto Octavius (Alfred Molina) wandering through a jungle. Somehow they stumble upon a cave. A cave of wonders I suppose. How did these ancient people build a boobytrap that is activated by someone blocking the sunlight? How does that work at night? Who comes along and makes sure all these pressure plate arrows haven’t gone bad?
Moving on, there is a golden head which Indy thinks he is going to trade with a bag of sand. I’m pretty sure he’d need something like 8 times as much sand as the volume of that head. Regardless that doesn’t explain why the trap sinks down for lighter sand. Indy then attends the school of Prometheus in ‘How to Run Away From Things’ as he flees a boulder.
Jack’s Bad Movies: Black Adam (2022)
IMDB’s description:
Nearly 5,000 years after he was bestowed with the almighty powers of the Egyptian gods–and imprisoned just as quickly–Black Adam is freed from his earthly tomb, ready to unleash his unique form of justice on the modern world.
This movie. Maybe the movie wouldn’t have felt so long and boring if the trailer didn’t spoil most of the action scenes and if every DC movie didn’t feel like it was just rehashing what we’ve already seen in Marvel films.
This place is Wakanda. The movie opens in the past in some generic Egypt but not Egypt looking place (Kahndaq). The king is forcing them to mine for some magic rock that only exists in this country. The goal is to create a magic crown. A young boy tries to start a revolution and is quickly captured. But then he is saved by Shazam and company and given what are essentially the same powers of Shazam/Captain Marvel. The boy becomes Dwayne Johnson. He kills the evil king and is entombed.
This is just the trailer. Modern day, some characters are looking for the crown. They think it will help them free their city state which is being controlled by Superman’s enemies the Intergang. I don’t know why they think this demonic crown is going to be a positive for them. Adrianna Tomaz (Sarah Shahi) gets the crown and then is immediately betrayed by her friend who is secretly the head of Intergang. She decides to recite something on a tomb and it frees Black Adam. He commences to do all the action scenes we already saw in the trailer. Black Adam is knocked out by a rocket or something.
The Angry Birds
This article originally appeared on AtWitsEndComics.com 07/22/2012.
Does anyone else think the angry birds have taken things a little too far?
So we have this group of pigs who steal three eggs and own a frying pan. Presumably they wanted an omelet. What do the birds do? Do they make a measured and proportionate response? No, they go for the annihilation of the entire pig race.
It’s like the general of the birds looked down at the empty nest and said “when this war is over the only place they’ll say ‘oink’ is in Hell.” Does the theft of three eggs really justify the xenocide of the entire sus domesticus species?