Jack’s Bad Movies: Black Adam (2022)

Black Adam

IMDB’s description:

Nearly 5,000 years after he was bestowed with the almighty powers of the Egyptian gods–and imprisoned just as quickly–Black Adam is freed from his earthly tomb, ready to unleash his unique form of justice on the modern world.

This movie. Maybe the movie wouldn’t have felt so long and boring if the trailer didn’t spoil most of the action scenes and if every DC movie didn’t feel like it was just rehashing what we’ve already seen in Marvel films. 

This place is Wakanda. The movie opens in the past in some generic Egypt but not Egypt looking place (Kahndaq). The king is forcing them to mine for some magic rock that only exists in this country. The goal is to create a magic crown. A young boy tries to start a revolution and is quickly captured. But then he is saved by Shazam and company and given what are essentially the same powers of Shazam/Captain Marvel. The boy becomes Dwayne Johnson. He kills the evil king and is entombed. 

This is just the trailer. Modern day, some characters are looking for the crown. They think it will help them free their city state which is being controlled by Superman’s enemies the Intergang. I don’t know why they think this demonic crown is going to be a positive for them. Adrianna Tomaz (Sarah Shahi) gets the crown and then is immediately betrayed by her friend who is secretly the head of Intergang.  She decides to recite something on a tomb and it frees Black Adam. He commences to do all the action scenes we already saw in the trailer. Black Adam is knocked out by a rocket or something. 

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The Angry Birds

This article originally appeared on AtWitsEndComics.com 07/22/2012.

Does anyone else think the angry birds have taken things a little too far?

So we have this group of pigs who steal three eggs and own a frying pan. Presumably they wanted an omelet. What do the birds do? Do they make a measured and proportionate response? No, they go for the annihilation of the entire pig race.

It’s like the general of the birds looked down at the empty nest and said “when this war is over the only place they’ll say ‘oink’ is in Hell.” Does the theft of three eggs really justify the xenocide of the entire sus domesticus species?

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Jack’s Bad Movies – Morbius (2022)

Morbius

IMDB’s description: 

Biochemist Michael Morbius tries to cure himself of a rare blood disease, but he inadvertently infects himself with a form of vampirism instead.

The movie opens with Jared Leto flying to some random cave in the Jungle and luring a bunch of bats out of it. These bats will probably inspire him to wear a costume and put fear into the people and criminals of Gotham City, as the Joker. Oh, wrong franchise. 

Travel back in time to a young Michael and his new friend “Milo,” which is what the jaded Morbius calls everyone. Some kids pick on them because they are weak and live in a hospital. Kids can be so cruel. The weirdo hospital / orphanage? director sends Michael away to school and keeps Milo for himself. 

This rare blood disease is the worst kind, because Michael grows up to be Jared Leto. A man who can suck the life out of any franchise. Maybe he is sick, maybe he just has histoplasmosis from all the bat guano. Anyways, they kill a rat for sport, and then almost kill a little girl. After that the rat comes back to life, so I guess their evil experiment is a success. 

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Favorite Questions and Answers from Fourth Quarter 2022

Top Question

The top voted question was Was this reference in Starship Troopers a real one? asked by gowenfawr and answered by DavidW.
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Top Answer

The top voted answer was to the question What story is Shrek’s donkey from? asked by AncientSwordRage and answered by SpaceWolf1701.
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Top Viewed

The top viewed question was What was the first Really Big Thing to appear in Science Fiction? asked by Spencer.
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Most Controversial

The most controversial post came from How did the Death Star 2 stay in orbit above Endor when it did not have functional ion engines nor a functional hyperdrive system? 

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