Live Chat: Star Wars Holiday Special

Time for that amazing Star Wars Holiday Special Live Chat. A show which Carrie Fisher described as “a punishment from God.” – 8 out of 10 Cats 2016 Christmas Special. Originally recorded live in Mos Eisley, which no longer exists.

Opening scene: Han and Chewie are evading capture hoping to get Chewie home for Life Day.

Ixrec I’m probably going to regret this.
Jack B Nimble Why is Chewie dancing in his seat?
Ixrec This feels like an SNL skit.
enderland Big explosions.

Title Screen

Skooba So should I get it out of the way now? What is the cannon level of this movie?
Jack B Nimble 100000% canon.
Skooba Wow that’s over 9000.
Ixrec THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT FONT.

Chewbacca’s family home, including his father Itchy, his son Lumpy, and his wife Malla.

Ixrec But seriously, Chewbacca’s family and everything is canon?
Skooba So no Empire and no Return of the Jedi. That means no Ewoks.
Jack B Nimble Seeing these other Wookies, I can believe the empire wanting to enslave them.

Malla is preparing a Life Day meal.

Ixrec If I’m going to sit through much more of this I need to know if it’s really canon or not.
Jack B Nimble Well, it introduces Boba Fett.
Skooba I don’t think so. That would make the Jefferson Starship Cannon.
Jack B Nimble But I don’t know about the rest.
CBredlow Just let me know when it gets to the cooking scene.

Ixrec Chewbacca appears to be cooking something right now.
Skooba That’s not true. That is his wife.
Jack B Nimble Nothing as exciting as just listening to growling for the last 2 minutes.

Looking down from Chewie’s home.

Skooba His son sounds like a witch with the B.
Jack B Nimble A more lifelike view from atop tall trees I have never seen.
Ixrec Neither of them sound like wookies tbh.

Star Wars safety rails.

Ixrec Well this is incredibly stupid and life-threatening for literally no reason.
Jack B Nimble The only place in Star Wars with guard rails, and they walk on them.
Skooba Does the Empire not know that he comes home for Life day every year?
Ixrec Star Wars, you are dead to us.

Lumpy watches a hologram-table.

Ixrec Actually this can’t be canon because the house looks way too similar to a normal house.
CBredlow Does the cooking alien ever show back up?
Skooba Also it says his family [doesn’t] know he is a wanted criminal?
Jack B Nimble Going on 4 minutes with no dialogue.
Ixrec Are you sure you want there to be dialogue?
CBredlow Does Jack B get a donkey now?
Ixrec I think it just got worse somehow.
Skooba Also what is up with the cassette tape and the colorful acrobats? Little lump seems a little too excited.
Jack B Nimble How much longer can this stupid dancing juggling crap go on?
Ixrec So I think we’re watching the wookie equivalent of teletubbies?

Malla looks for signs of Chewie showing up.

Ixrec The computer was in Wingdings, then suddenly English
CBredlow Wingdings? Not aurabesh?
Skooba Is this before the invention of air brush?
Jack B Nimble “No Starships In Area” That must be the saddest news they have ever received.
Ixrec Does aurabesh normally have arrows and dots in it?
CBredlow Not really, it’s the alphabet you see everywhere else in star wars
Ixrec(I did know that)

Malla calls Luke to find out about Han and Chewie.

Jack B Nimble Luke is looking pretty strange.
Skooba Luke’s makeup looks like it was put on with a trowel
CBredlow Is this pre or post accident?
Ixrec He sounds right but looks wrong
Skooba Also why did Kenny Baker not get a credit in the opening scenes it was just R2D2 as R2D2 but yet C3PO got the actor his credit.
CBredlow He was there recording it, and he turned to George and said “You know what, don’t pay me…in fact I’ll pay you if you don’t put my name on this steaming pile of garbage”
Skooba Does Luke’s pilot gear double as Lounge wear?
CBredlow Any outfit is lounge wear if you lounge around in it

Malla calls a trading post to ask about Chewbacca

Jack B Nimble Trading Post Wookie Planet C? They can’t even name their planets?
Skooba What’s the over-under on an awkward scene between Luke and Leia
Ixrec according to Wikipedia this is mostly canon O_O
Skooba We better check with our own fellows
Jack B Nimble This merchant is so clever with his word play.
Jack B Nimble This movie is more painful than I imagined.
Ixrec I have located JJ Abrams on camera stating “the holiday special is definitely canon”

Malla watches a cooking show to prepare the big Life Day feast (probably).

Jack B Nimble It is a cooking show.
Ixrec he’s more of an authority than we are. I think I see what Randall Munroe was talking about. None of this is funny bad, it’s just…why are we watching this bad.
Jack B Nimble I’m hoping the Imperials arrive and kill his whole family.
Ixrec I have to agree.
CBredlow “STIR WHIP STIR WHIP WHIP WHIP STIR WHIP!”
Ixrec no cooking cannot be fun
CBredlow There’s a reason Carrie Fisher plays this at the end of her Christmas party. It gets people to leave.
Jack B Nimble Were the people who greenlight this murdered? I’m hoping they were murdered.

Stock footage from A New Hope is randomly interjected into the show to make us believe Han and Chewbacca are evading Imperials.

Ixrec Oh hey shooting
Jack B Nimble It is amazing what can be done reusing footage from ANH
Ixrec Given what it’s competing with
Jack B Nimble “This is one Life Day we won’t soon forget. “
“Why do I always think taking you home for Life Day is going to be easy?”
Ixrec I just noticed the video description.
“I have taken the best source, the WHIO, deinterlaced it, removed the station watermark, and got rid of the overscan borders … and the Boba Fett cartoon has been replaced with the Blu Ray version. Happy Life Day, and don’t forget to whip, beat, and stir!”

Chewbacca’s family gets a visit from their trading post contact.

Jack B Nimble Itchy is going to door. I hope Scratchy is on the other side.
What a bitter disappointment, it is that stupid peddler.
CBredlow So in movie terms, this takes place between IV and V, right? And it was broadcast post IV?
Jack B Nimble That present had better have a bomb in it.
Jack B Nimble That chair is basically an acid trip for Itchy.
Jack B Nimble Itchy is sitting in a chair of ill repute.
Ixrec Whatever that is, it’s not a hair dryer

Itchy’s present is some kind of holographic music video porno that he shameless watches in the living room.

Jack B Nimble I would think the thing Itchy wanted most would be moisturizer for his dry skin condition. So that he could change his name.
Skooba oh boy
Jack B Nimble Holy crap, this crap goes on for a full three more crap filled minutes.
Jack B Nimble Yeah, because we want this experience to last longer, just like Itchy’s porn chair.
Ixrec For once I completely agree with Youtube’s recommended videos.
Opens the Robot Chicken Star Wars special in a new tab
Ixrec we’re only 1/3 of the way through this

Everyone is on speed dial, including Leia and C3PO.

Skooba Is Leia doing taxes?
Jack B Nimble No accent for Leia.
Skooba Yeah she said she was drunk for IV and the accent was on and off
Jack B Nimble That’s about as professional as it gets.
Ixrec is this call encrypted?
Skooba Sees a guy for 5 seconds… knows hes legit….
Jack B Nimble She has the force on her side.

Fearing detection, Han and Chewbacca arrive at Kashyyyk and decide to land on the opposite side of the planet (their words).

Skooba A long walk…. across half the planet?
Jack B Nimble They are in very good shape.

Two Imperial officers and some Stormtroopers arrive at the home attempting to locate Chewbacca.

Skooba oh snap stormies
Ixrecyay, stormtroopers!
Jack B Nimble Yes, time for some sweet Wookie murders!
They are obviously guilty of something. Kill, kill, kill!
Skooba scar on face so you know is absolute evil

The trading post guy distracts one of the officers with a video while Stormtroopers search the house.

Jack B Nimble Stormtrooper is just aimlessly moving crap on their bookshelf.
Skooba I’m impressed they have a bookshelf
Ixrec How did he not find the secret rebel communicator
Jack B Nimble He’s incompetent?
Skooba Not a storm trooper….no
Ixrec considering there’s only a grand total of two blasters on the imperial side here, it’s a bloody miracle nobody’s arm got ripped off
Jack B Nimble And here we thought the Galactic Senate was the most boring aspect of Star Wars.
If this is really canon, someone will lose an arm at some point.
Skooba i love all the 80s tech
Ixrec I love 80s tech in something like Alien. Not so much here.
Skooba facelesss goons shouldnt be talking
Ixrec or have their face plates up

The officer watches another stupid music video.

Ixrec time for more trippy nonsense
Skooba oh heres some jefferson starship
Jack B Nimble In the 70s, was the gold standard of television watching people watch another television?
Skooba cocaine is a hell of a drug
imperials are allowed to like things

Skooba jam seesion…. yyyyaaaaa mannnnnnn mmmmmmmm wooooooaaaaahhhhhh
Jack B Nimble I wish we could skip these pointless musical interludes.
Ixrec no skipping allowed in movie night
Skooba thats the special part

The Imperial officer is somehow impressed with this offering of bad music.

Jack B Nimble The imperial started to drum his fingers, that means the peddler has successfully stolen his soul.
Skooba i wonder which payment went between lucas and jefferson starship….
like the nfl wanting bands to pay them at half time
Jack B Nimble Did he say peace out?
Skooba leave his card
Jack B Nimble What the crap were they doing while that stupid music video was playing?

I included this image to make the discussion of blaster holding relevant. Also I think they threaten the family or something.

Ixrec the way these stormtroopers hold their blasters is really weird

Ixrec like, that’s how you’d carry a machine gun that’s too heavy to not fire from the hip
Jack B Nimble Why weren’t they searching during that?
Skooba not hurt anyone…. that what u do… u evil
Jack B Nimble They seem to want to maximize wasting everyone’s time, in particular, the audience.
Skooba mallaa just hive the bribe hes looking for already
ah now its star trek
Jack B Nimble Maybe Mallaa is a wookiee prostitute.

Lumpy, the stupid son of Chewbacca, watches a pro-Resistance / Anti-Imperial cartoon right in the Imperials.

Jack B Nimble A better likeness of Mark Hamill has never been drawn…
Ixrec I think it just got worse somehow
Skooba who is redbeard
is this supposed to be “live”
Jack B Nimble Captain Redbeard, the notorious nobody from the Holiday Special?
Skooba luke in a y wing?
jelly planet
lucky
no seat belt in y wing
Jack B Nimble Are Y-wings two passenger ships?
Is that Loch Ness?

After crashing his Y-Wing on the jelly planet like an incompetent fool, Luke is rescued from a giant jelly monster by Boba Fett.

Skooba not that i recall
Ooooo Boba! maybe we will see why [he] is so feared
Jack B Nimble The introduction of Boba Fett. These aren’t the droids you are looking for.
Jack B Nimble Animal abuse is so hilarious.
Skooba aaaaannnnndddd they ruined Boba
Ixrec they created Boba, apparently
Skooba no friend of the empire, bah

Han and Chewbacca also crashed on the jelly planet.

Jack B Nimble Good thing every ship comes with floaties.
Ixrec knowing Boba was introduced here and made non-shitty in Empire makes me feel significantly less upset by this movie’s existence.
Skooba is this cartoon part of the main story?
Jack B Nimble The sleeping virus, called heroine…
Skooba somehow they built a city on jelly
Jack B Nimble It is Jam City.

Skooba oh yeah thats heroin
Skooba oh there is the back stab
Ixrec that’s the heroin that’s an antidote for the other heroin

Lumpy watches a show within a show within a show.

Ixrec You think it’s so legendarily bad that you’ll torrent it and sit through it just for the kitschy nerd cred. I, too, once thought as you did. It’s living up to its reputation
Jack B Nimble So… the Rebels are producing anti-imperial cartoons for their kids?
Skooba for sure
Jack B Nimble Umm, brainwash them much?

R2D2 finds a message from Darth Vader addressed to Boba Fett (probably, I didn’t re-watch to confirm).

Skooba little overt with “best bounty hunter”
Jack B Nimble Darth Vader, showering Boba Fett with praise, another Life Day miracle!
Skooba Darth would not pay compliments, maybe we will se him disintegrate someone tho.
Jack B Nimble Holy crap, that little blaster took out that whole ship in one shot.

Lumpy finishes the resistance propaganda film.

Skooba so wait that was a show within a show?
Jack B Nimble Yep
Skooba again watching someone else watch tv?
Jack B Nimble That is the whole premise of this special.
I told you, 1970s Television GOLD.
Ixrec That was the worst animation I have ever seen, literally

Lumpy watches a program on how to build a computer.

Ixrec as in the correct use of “literally”
ok I like the stuffed bantha
Skooba bio break?
Jack B Nimble “That will keep him busy for awhile” – hahahahahahahaha [insincere laughter]
Jack B Nimble Now we get to learn how to build a computer?
Ixrec I don’t even know what’s happening anymore

Now the Imperials are on board to the house that only watched tv and they decide to watch a show.

Jack B Nimble The important thing is that we are watching someone watch a show within the show.The hallmark of this special.
Bellerophon That is disgraceful.
Jack B Nimble Is Carrie Fisher narrating?
Ixrec she is now
Jack B Nimble Such a glaring change in quality from the movie footage compared to this crap.

We are taken to some kind of scene on Tatooine.

Jack B Nimble I wonder if that guy can feel the box sitting under his hair.
Jack B Nimble At this point I have no idea what is happening. Is this guy propositioning the bartender?
Ixrec apparently this is “Life on Tatooine”?
Jack B Nimble “Six simple words. I can wait forever to hear it again.”
That seemed like eight words.
Ixrec that was a very unnecessary spiral

The bartender and strange man converse in the bar on Tatooine.

Jack B Nimble Kellogg and Zuckmore. That sounds like a comedy duo.
Ixrec I’m not dead yet
Jack B Nimble I am. I died about 10,000 years ago when this pointless bar scene started.
Skooba well youtube is stopped loading for me’
Ixrec they’re singing!?
Jack B Nimble Singing to the cantina music, sort of.
Jack B Nimble And she is cuddling with a giant plague rat.
Skooba bea aruthur, i thought she was a legend
‘so the cantina music has lyrics?
Ixrec this is definitely not the standard cantina music
Jack B Nimble Greedo is alive? Or is that just some other Rodian.
Ixrec she addressed him by name earlier, it’s not Greedo
Skooba i remember for some reason as Rodians dress the same
tin man!
Jack B Nimble One of those patrons is a devil.
Ixrec ~18 minutes left

The bartender sings to her clients. Good thing they are already drunk.

Skooba is she old marion? if they have records of the family dont they have a record of the name?
Jack B Nimble The sound of the show ending sounded like the game BalderDash load screen.

Skooba so they would know he is the rebel they are looking for
Jack B Nimble Wait here forever until another male shows up.
Skooba arm ripping time. duex ex chewbacca
Jack B Nimble The suspense is killing me.

Tired of waiting around, most of the Imperials leave, but they make sure one trooper stays behind to harass the family.

Skooba whilem scream! +1
Jack B Nimble Just shoot him already!
Skooba hes gone aka we killed him. am i out of sync. ‘lol
Jack B Nimble Chewbacca is a coward?
Ixrec the baby wookie is backing up in terror right now. stormtrooper smashed his computer thing

6,000 real time hours since the start of this show, Han and Chewbacca finally arrive at the home. Probably took so long because they landed on the other side of the planet.

Jack B Nimble Oh, what do you know, that guard rail was worthless afterall.
Jack B Nimble Why did any one of these actors agree to this? Just how much cocaine and money was promised?
Skooba$$$$$
Ixrec I don’t think any of them have an answer for us
Skooba yeah esp since Ford did really like it at the time. i bet he was paid triple.

Two seconds after he arrives, Han says he needs to leave.

Jack B Nimble Things are slowing down, they need to watch someone else on a tv soon.
Ixrec Or credits. Please be credits
Skooba wookie kiss
Jack B Nimble That filthy peddler again.

An Imperial officer calls in to check on the Stormtrooper left behind.

Skooba b 4 711
Ixrec wow
Skooba 711….
Jack B Nimble Does that designation mean something?
Skooba well its a [convenient] store here. 7/11
Ixrec it means he doesn’t have an obvious normal human name like Finn
Jack B Nimble Before 7/11
Bellerophon The one’s with names had designations as well.
Ixrec That random stormtrooper was an officer?
Skooba He ded
Jack B Nimble Apparently stroopers robbing and then deserting the Empire are so common the guy took it without any argument.

Chewbacca and his family travel through a recently discovered wormhole in space to the Delta Quadrant.

Jack B Nimble Did they all just die and go to Wookie heaven?
Skooba oh that would be a happy ending
Skooba oh so now they wear clothes. hippie dippe message. peace love and yada yada yada
Skooba Carrie Fisher singing. my ears explode
Jack B Nimble Wikipedia said Alex Guiness was in archive footage, but I didn’t see him.
Skooba well now you gotta re-watch
Jack B Nimble Oh, there he is.
Skooba the WHOLE thing

Leia leads a cult of followers who have been converted to Life Day.

Jack B Nimble Just a bunch of random clips from ANH.
Jack B Nimble Because their movie wasn’t long enough, needed some filler.
Skooba3…. 2…1…..
Skooba That was fun.
Jack B Nimble So that was…that was something else.
Jack B NimbleFinal Review: Definitely something that was produced.
Ixrec…And never aired again.

You might read this and say “Hey, some of the still frames and captions don’t seem to advance the plot or tell the story that is being told here.” Obviously the only way you can know that for sure is to go watch the show in its entirety completely sober. Go do that now.

Lessons-Learned

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