Review

Live Chat: Star Trek TOS “Space Seed”

Continuing from our first live chat, some of the originals from the chat room also watched Star Trek TOS “Space Seed.”

Netflix incorrectly classifies Star Trek TOS “Space Seed” as a prequel to the Wrath of Khan. That is like saying Batman Begins is a prequel to The Dark Knight. It isn’t a prequel if it was made first.

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The Enterprise in space.

Jack B Nimble: Somebody airbrushed that ship.

TangoOversway: That’s the CGI redo of the FX

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The viewscreen from the main bridge.

Jack B Nimble: We’ve discovered another patch of empty space.

OghmaOsiris: They’re coming up on empty space fast!
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KIRK: Are you certain of your sensor readings?

SPOCK: Definitely a space vessel of some type.

KIRK: Origin?

SPOCK: Unknown. It could hardly be an Earth ship. There have been no flights into this sector for years.

Jack B Nimble: The ominous music should have tipped them off.

Keen: They may as well have shown Dr. Evil on the viewscreen.

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KIRK: An old Earth vessel, similar to the DY=500 class.
SPOCK: Much older. DY-100 class, to be exact. Captain, the last such vessel was built centuries ago, back in the 1990s.

OghmaOsiris: This optical illusion I’m looking at tells me there’s a sensor analysis.

Jack B Nimble: They must have been geniuses to interpret all those flashing lights.

TangoOversway: Believe it or not, at that time, the controls seemed really space-shippy.

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SPOCK: Hull surface is pitted with meteor scars. However, scanners make out a name. SS Botany Bay.

KIRK: Then you can check the registry.

SPOCK: No such vessel listed. Records of that period are fragmentary, however. The mid=1990s was the era of your last so-called World War.

TangoOversway Picard would have sent Riker over by now. Archer would have just hopped in a shuttle and gone immediately.

Jack B Nimble: Ohura was eaves dropping.

TangoOversway: And now we have the Vulcan/human logic debate McCoy just loves.

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KIRK: Oh, I’ll need somebody familiar with the late 20th-Century Earth. Here’s a chance for that historian to do something for a change. What’s her name? McIvers?
SPOCK: Lieutenant McGivers.

Jack B Nimble: MacGuyver? She is going to build something amazing.

Keen: Do they just keep her in a closet?

OghmaOsiris: Woman in a red shirt. She’s gonna die.

TangoOversway: Now taking bets on whether McGivers dies.

Keen: First she’ll get pregnant and then she’ll die. This was the 60’s.

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The landing party explores the Botany Bay.

Jack B Nimble: Scotty is a great engineer, out of 80 buttons on the panel he found the light switch.

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The ship is found to be full of sleeping passengers.

Jack B Nimble: This space ship only has beds. It is a space ship of ill repute.

OghmaOsiris: Is he wearing gold chain mail?

Jack B Nimble: He is, after all, a warrior

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With the vital signs failing, Kirk attempts to rescue the sleeping man.

TangoOversway: We can’t figure it out — just break it, Jim!

OghmaOsiris: How many captains does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Jack B Nimble: Negative captain. just the one large blinking green light.

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KHAN: How long?
KIRK: How long have you been sleeping? Two centuries we estimate. Landing party to Enterprise. Come in.
UHURA: Go ahead, boarding party. We read you.
KIRK: Lock in on McCoy’s beam. He’s transporting back with a casualty we discovered here.
MARLA: Magnificent.

TangoOversway: Ricardo Mantalban in fishnets.

Keen: I think Leelo from The Fifth Element wore more than Kahn.

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KIRK: Botany Bay. That was the name of a penal colony on shores of Australia, wasn’t it? If they took that name for their vessel
SPOCK: If you’re suggesting this was a penal deportation vessel, you’ve arrived at a totally illogical conclusion.

Jack B Nimble: Stupid illogical Kirk.

OghmaOsiris: Seriously, what does Spock do??

Jack B Nimble: Spock uses the white and black wheel to hypnotize himself.

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MCCOY: He’ll live.
KIRK: My compliments.
MCCOY: No, I’m good, but not that good. There’s something inside this man that refuses to accept death. Look at that. Even as he is now, his heart valve action has twice the power of yours and mine. Lung efficiency is fifty percent better.

Jack B Nimble: Even in sickbay his shirt is open. His chest must need a lot of air.

Keen: McCoy’s lying, he is THAT good
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Kirk asks McGiver to learn more about Khan

TangoOversway: I like the ginger in this episode a LOT more than the ginger in the last one.

OghmaOsiris: I have sheer delight of examining his….mind

Jack B Nimble: All redheads are traitors.

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Khan awakens in sickbay and begins to exercise (or something).

Keen: Even in the 2300’s, hospital gowns show too much.

Jack B Nimble: Let me just warm-up with some Tai Chi

OghmaOsiris: Does he have a native american mullet?

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Khan hears someone approaching, and grabs an antique scalpel from a display case.

TangoOversway: Never saw that display case before or since in any episode.

Keen: What the [expletive] is that wall display?!

Keen: You show off your torture implements like that, not your medical equipment.

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McCoy enters sickbay to examine his patient, and discovers he is awake. MCCOY: Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind.

TangoOversway: Odd how it’s there just when Kahn needs it. Old surgical instruments.

Jack B Nimble: McCoy is pretty brave.

Keen: And now McCoy’s captain obvious.

OghmaOsiris: Does McCoy wear eye shadow?

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Kirk questions Khan, who claims he is fatigued. Kirk gives him access to the modern technical documents about the ship.

Keen: Why’s there a [item] sticking out of the wall?

Jack B Nimble:It is a reading light.

TangoOversway: That’s a scanner for the medical readouts above them.

Keen: Men had better hair in the 60’s. At least Kahn did.

OghmaOsiris: I want Kirk’s hair.

Jack B Nimble: Kirk suspects he is dangerous but still gives him technical specs to his ship?

TangoOversway: Yeah, funny, that. Someone asks for technical plans for your fully armed starship and you say, “Sure. Be my guest.”

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McGivers cannot help but be attracted to Khan. Khan explains his position on governments and power.

OghmaOsiris: So, Kahn was a communist?

TangoOversway: No, he was a tyrant.

OghmaOsiris: Same thing.

Jack B Nimble: Benevolent tyrant.

OghmaOsiris: He sleeps with her in 3…2…

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Khan flirts with McGivers.

Jack B Nimble: I would think women would be afraid to sit down in those skirts.

OghmaOsiris: Captain’s orders

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Khan Noonien Singh, professional player.

OghmaOsiris: Where did that mirror come from??

Keen: SPAAAAAAAACE!

TangoOversway: They took it off the bridge, from Uhura’s control panel.

Jack B Nimble: Mirrors spontaneously appear and disappear throughout the ship. It is an old problem of the Consitution class starships.

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McGivers insists that Captain Kirk and the senior staff dress their best for a dinner with Khan.

Jack B Nimble: Those are some hideous dress uniforms.

TangoOversway: Notice Checkov, who recognized the name “Botany Bay” is nowhere to be seen in this entire episode.

TangoOversway: But you do get to see Scotty’s legs in a dress uniform!

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Khan and McGivers discuss the past and present.

Keen: Is he wearing shrinky-dinks on his chest?

Jack B Nimble: They don’t make a shirt for Khan that closes in the front.

Keen: They can’t find a shirt that could contain those magnificent pecs.

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Before heading to dinner Khan woos McGivers into a kiss.

TangoOversway: And I can tell you what censors would have said about that kiss.

Keen: Would they say ‘More!’?

TangoOversway: Same thing they said about every kiss in that whole series. Every time there was any kissing in the script, NBC censors would write back and say, “Avoid the open-mouthed kiss!”

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The senior staff entertains Khan. After some pointed questions from Kirk, Khan once again says he is too fatigued to continue.

Jack B Nimble: Was that Romulan ale? Khan is constantly fatigued.

TangoOversway: He’s a Earth war criminal — and they’re not putting him in the brig?

Jack B Nimble: He is a man of weak constitution.

OghmaOsiris: No no no. Romulan ale is illegal!

TangoOversway: Rule #1: Kahn Lies.

Keen: He’s not a space criminal, so he’s fine by them.

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Back in Khan’s quarters, McGivers visits him.

TangoOversway: I’ll bet he’s not fatigued now!

TangoOversway: Love that profile shot — he was posing so she could paint his picture and put him on a dollar bill for his new government.

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KHAN: Go. Or stay. But do it because it is what you wish to do. Well?
MARLA: I’ll stay a little longer.

Jack B Nimble: In Augment tradition they are married now.

Keen: Kneel before Zod. Wait, wrong show.

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Spock is able to dig up some information on Khan’s past.

Keen: Looks like Powerpoint sucked in the 60’s too.

OghmaOsiris: So, Kahn was Hussain?

Jack B Nimble: He was Mao

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Spock is able to dig up some information on Khan’s past, everyone reaches the same conclusion about Khan.

Jack B Nimble: Khan is a redshirt. He isn’t going to make it.

TangoOversway: Kahn’s in a red shirt. He’s going to DIIIIEEEEE!

Keen: Haha, they found a way to defeat Kahn. They put him in a red shirt!

OghmaOsiris: Hey hey hey! Kahn’s in a red shirt!

Keen: Color-blind people think green shirts die on Star Trek.

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Kirk contronts Khan about his past.

OghmaOsiris: So, is Kahn Spanish? Native american? Indian? what?

Jack B Nimble: He is Middle-Eastern

TangoOversway: Kahn was Asian.

Jack B Nimble: But he also knows Tai Chi

TangoOversway: The actor was hispanic (I think Mexican).

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Khan is confined to his quarters, but quickly escapes.

Keen: Why’d Kahn going through the door, all he had to do to break out was punch one of the cardboard walls.

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Khan, with the assistance of McGivers, transports back over to his ship, which contains his remaining Augments.

TangoOversway: One guard, with his back to the door?

Jack B Nimble: Khan has already mastered the Vulcan neck pinch.

TangoOversway: That’s not Lt. Kyle, so they can kill him.

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Khan awakens the rest of his crew.

Keen: YOGA FOR ALL!

OghmaOsiris: Tai Chi break

TangoOversway: She looks a LOT better in fishnets than Kahn.

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On the bridge, Kirk receives a security alert that Khan has escaped.

Jack B Nimble: Wow, security is slow

OghmaOsiris: Security contacted Kirk… and then Kirk had to request a security alert??

TangoOversway: [Kirk] Spock, you think this has anything to do with me letting him read the tech manuals?

Jack B Nimble: [Spock] I wouldn’t worry about it Captain.

TangoOversway: It’s a command decision to call an alert.

Jack B Nimble: Self Destruct the ship!

Keen: Haha, Spock totally just mocked Kirk for letting Kahn read the tech manuals.

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Khans troops come back to the Enterprise and begin to take over the ship. KHAN: Nothing ever changes, except man. Your technical accomplishments? Improve a mechanical device and you may double productivity. But improve man and you gain a thousand fold. I am such a man. Join me. I’ll treat you well. I need your training to operate a vessel this complex.

Keen: So, Kahn’s an anti-technology luddite? That’s all I got out of his ranting just now.

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The crew attempts to fight back.

Jack B Nimble: The only reason this episode aired was because a white guy hit a black woman.

Keen: Oh, now we get back-handed slapping. Where was that guy during the last episode when all those kids needed to be smacked?

TangoOversway: I think Uhura looks hot with that hair style.

Jack B Nimble: Scotty knocked out an Augment with one punch.

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Khan captures the entire crew. McGivers has second doubts and frees Kirk.

Jack B Nimble: You are such a disappointment, redhead.

Keen: [Darn] gingers.

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Kirk frees Spock and begins to retake the ship.

Jack B Nimble: Shouldn’t Spock physically be an equal match for these Augments?

TangoOversway: Spock might be an equal for ONE Augment.

Keen: That henchman was specifically bred for his superior back-handed slaps.

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Kirk floods the ship with knockout gas, but Khan escapes. Kirk pursues him.

Jack B Nimble: There are too many corners to hide around on this ship.

Jack B Nimble: As captain I would remove all hidden corners first thing.

TangoOversway: Kirk! That was the oldest trick in the book!

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Khan and Kirk’s stunt double engage in hand to hand combat.

OghmaOsiris: Oooh, Kirk knows karate now.

TangoOversway: In this fight, note the cylindrical thingies with handles sticking out from the control panels on the back wall. They’ve never been seen before or since.

Keen: Who thought it was a good idea to install a gym in the middle of Engineering?

Jack B Nimble: They should have brought Chuck Norris out of cryo to fight Khan.

TangoOversway: Chuck Norris doesn’t need Cryo.

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Kirk is able to overcome Khan and his forces.

Jack B Nimble: Why do they keep getting in dress uniforms?

TangoOversway: Scotty’s not wearing his kilt for his dress uniform.

OghmaOsiris: What is that colored thing on Kirk’s vest?

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Kirk offers Khan the option of starting fresh on an unsettled planet. McGivers chooses to go with him.

Jack B Nimble: She doesn’t fit the superior breeding profile. Khan’s children are going to be slow witted.

TangoOversway: But she’s cute and has hot legs.

OghmaOsiris: She has the hips for it

Keen: It’s a shame we’ll never hear from Kahn and friends again…..

OghmaOsiris: Or will we?? BUM BUM BUMMMMM

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The episode ends on an ominous note.

Jack B Nimble: The closing credits have some bizarre stills.

All images pulled from TrekCore

Review – Turbo

Turbo Poster

Turbo is a film that doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be. Is it the type of story where the character isn’t satisfied with their existence and hopes for something more from life (such as A Bug’s Life)? Is it a racing movie where the lead character needs to grow up a little (such as Cars)? Is it a super hero origin movie (such as Spider-Man)? Unfortunately this movie is all three, and it doesn’t do a good job with any of them.

Theo / Turbo is a garden snail who happens to live next to the current Indy 500 champion. As such he obsesses and dreams of being a professional racer. After nearly killing himself a few times, trying to prove he is faster than he is, he sets out on a rainy night to get away from his sad slow existence. Eventually he accidently finds himself involved in an illegal drag race. When the driver hits his nitrous oxide Theo / Turbo undergoes a Spider-Man type transformation that turns him into some kind car / snail hybrid. Rather than just making him fast, it also gives him headlights, taillights, a radio, and a backup beeper. From there a series of even more improbable events leads him to have an opportunity to fulfill this dreams.

It is somewhat distracting to me that all of the snails can understand English being spoken by humans. From our perspective the snails also speak English, but of course none of the humans can hear or understand them. It is also distracting that once the nature of this special snail is revealed to the public (and the world at large) that the scientific community doesn’t appear to be at all interested in it.

Overall this movie was not very good. I remember only thinking a couple of things were funny or clever. I saw this movie at a drive-in theater with a number of children. In general those kids were bored and were more interested in snacks than laughing at the movie. I don’t remember really hearing any laughter at all through the film. So even as a movie just for kids I don’t think it delivers well. It reminds me of Bee Movie, which also felt flat.

So in the end this is a movie that is trying to be A Bug’s Life without the diverse bug characters, Cars without the growing up, Spider-Man without the character development, and Bee Movie will all its so called comedy. Maybe there is a demographic who is looking for that kind of movie, but it isn’t adults or children.

Review – World War Z

Warning – This review may contain spoilers or information not immediately obvious from the trailers.

World War Z poster

Like many people when I read the book I was caught up by the all the stories of before, during, and after the zombie apocalypse. The individual stories, the psychological, political, and societal reactions from the characters brought a feeling of how real and terrible the breakdown of society would be.

When I saw the movie I immediately recognized that a lot of that had been taken out in order to create a fast paced action movie. It reminded me of the movie 2012. In that movie you follow a family as they race from one disaster to another trying to escape the destruction of the Earth. World War Z felt very similar. Instead of seeing many accounts across the entire world we follow one man, Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt), and his family while he goes from one disaster to another looking for a solution to the zombie problem.

In the book there isn’t a cure (although there are stories around people claiming to have them). Subsequently the book is about survival. When the book ends societies and the Earth as a whole are forever changed because of the apocalypse. In the movie things are obviously going to be different, but I get the feeling not in the same way.

Everyone everywhere has been talking about how the movie has nothing in common with the book except for the title. Here are some of the things that are in fact the same.

  • Both have zombies.
  • Israel abandons some disputed territories and builds a wall around their protected zones.
  • The initial outbreak area is in East Asia.
  • Major cities fall with people trying to flee to the sea.

Here are some things I think the movie does a poor job of explaining or takes too far.

  • From infection to becoming zombified is super fast sometimes and really slow or non-existent other times. Once that stuff is in your blood it shouldn’t take long for it to latch onto your soul.
  • The portrayal of how bad the teeth are in England (it is too horrifying).
  • The zombies working together to overcome barriers.
  • Zombies are attracted to some sounds, but not other sounds (like sounds made by other Zombies). These zombies are apparently smart enough to distinguish sounds by their origin (even when it is a pop can knocked over by a human that ultimately bursts open).
Zombie with bad teeth.
The real horror here is the dentistry in England.

Overall I felt it was a decent enough zombie action movie. The one question both the book and the movie fail to answer is: If these zombies have unlimited energy why doesn’t anyone think to trap them in giant mount wheel that turns a turbine and get unlimited energy forever? You’d just need a guy or two standing behind a secure window to entice the zombies to move towards you. Think people! Think!

Review – Man Of Steel

Although I went into the film with a few spoilers (having listened to a movie review podcast and seeing a few questions on SciFi.StackExchange) I was surprised by the amount of information I didn’t already know.

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Man of Steel gets arrested after numerous FAA violations.

 

Man of Steel presents a more science fiction origin to Superman than we have previously seen in films. In the comics and cartoons we know that Krypton was technologically advanced and Superman reaps some of the benefits of that, but in the movies the Kryptonian technology seems to be based primarily on crystals and their ability to make houses. In Superman Returns Lex Luthor captures some crystal growing technology and attempts to create a new continent. When asked how he is going to defend it he says he’ll use the advanced technology. Considering it is just him and his idiot henchmen, I have no confidence in his ability to do this. I have great confidence in Zod, because with Man of Steel the technological superiority of the Kryptonians is obvious. Also, they are all supermen.

Superman’s powers are giving a slight polish to the established canon.  Having evolved from a significantly harsher planet, Kryptonians on a whole are highly adaptable. Martha Kent describes the baby Clark Kent as wheezing and coughing through the night as his lungs tried to process Earth air. He gains super strength and speed from the Earth’s young sun. His additional abilities of x-ray vision, heat vision, and telescopic vision are a result of the Earth’s atmosphere. Superman now loses some powers when he is removed from that environment (somewhat… inconsistently). Hopefully the great Superman powers race won’t begin where in every new movie he needs more and more ridiculous abilities (I’m looking at you, Superman IV).

For the first time on film we see the super speed and destructive strength of a super charged Kryptonian at work. The almost teleporting nature of the attacks is what I imagine The Flash would look like.  Speaking of other characters, there are at least two Easter eggs in the film. One referring to Lex Luthor and another referring to Wayne Enterprises. With the exception of the Easter egg billboard in I Am Legend I am not aware of any cross references between any DC heroes before in the films. Everyone knows that DC and WB would love to see the same kind of money from a Justice League movie as Marvel did with The Avengers. Green Lantern didn’t do well, but maybe if Man of Steel does extremely well JL will still happen. If DC wants to do an origin story for every member of the Justice League they still need to do 5 (Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, and presumably Batman).

What did I think of it? I felt the movie was fairly slow throughout the middle. The intense action scenes at the start and end seemed to compound the feeling on nothing happening in-between. I find myself frustrated by the mentality of Hollywood that every super hero must reveal their identity on screen (or at all). Batman has told so many people that he is Bruce Wayne he has probably just started printing it in on this business cards.

Secret Identity Card
Secret Identity Card

Sadly the same may be true for poor onscreen Superman.  The action of the film was both amazing and horrifying. This isn’t the same kind of Superman we saw in the 70s and 80s. I walked out thinking the movie was okay.

 

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