Jack’s Bad Movies: The Punisher (1989)

IMDB’s description:

When Frank Castle’s family is murdered by criminals, he wages war on crime as a vigilante assassin known only as The Punisher.

The Punisher

Despite what the description says, this movie is not about Frank Castle and his origin story. A better description might be “Frank Castle and his one hundred and one ways to kill people while never using the same weapon twice.”

The movie opens with a mob boss being released from prison. The media is in a frenzy and ask him if he is worried about The Punisher, a vigilante who has been killing ciminals. This mob boss says no, and openly taunts The Punisher. Will he live to eat his own words? No, because he gets killed.

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Jack’s Bad Movies: Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998)

IMDB’s description:

Marvel’s hard-boiled hero is brought to TV. He is brought back to fight the menace of Hydra after exiling himself in the Yukon since the end of the Cold War. The children of the former Hydra head, Baron Von Stucker, have taken charge of the terrorist organization. Under the lead of his vicious daughter, Viper, Hydra has seized a deadly virus and threatens the destruction of America. The covert agency SHIELD brings Fury out of retirement to fight the terrorists.

The only version of the movie I could find was in French. Full disclosure, I do not speak French. So instead of rehashing everything that happens in this movie, instead I present you with this accurate timeline based on my observations.

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Jack’s Bad Movies: Generation X (1996)

Originally meant to be a TV Pilot, it was later released as a made for TV movie.

IMDB’s description:

A group of young mutants–humans with a genetic variation that gives them superpowers and makes them feared by the population at large–begin training at a school for heroes. Their studies are interrupted when they must rescue one of their number from a mad scientist who can enter others’ dreams.

Generation X

The opening text has definitions of mutants and mutation, including this:

2. The illegal genetic condition [U.S. statue 5504178], first apparent in puberty, caused by the X factor located in the pineal gland of the brain.

I guess my two questions are: how can a genetic condition be illegal? And who could have guessed the X Factor would have such a lasting impression on society?

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Jack’s Bad Movies: The Amazing Spider-Man (1977)

IMDB’s description:

With the powers given by the bite of a radioactive spider, a young man fights crime as a wall-crawling superhero.

The Amazing Spider-Man

At the stroke of 10:45:00am, a doctor examining a patient suddenly walks out. Then a business man giving a presentation walks out. We see them in a car, and the business man takes out a gas mask and smoke grenade. He deliberately handles both of them in a way to make sure the audience sees exactly what he is doing. he places them in a briefcase. Then the camera zooms in on a jacket pin of a circle with two lines in it. These guys are being mind controlled in to robbing a bank, then as soon as the heist is done, they forget everything.

Now we’re in J. Jonah Jameson’s (David White) office, he is turning down Peter Parker’s (Nicholas Hammond) random photos. Probably a good call, as they are just random pictures with no stories connected to them. Jameson suspects something is up with the recent bank-robbery. And then the radio announces there is a bad guy holding the city ransom to the tune of $50 million dollars. That guy takes responsibility for the robbery. Peter says he doesn’t know anything about mind control, but he knows it is real and that it works.

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